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This is your IdeaShape monthly newsletter, April 2001,
with ideas on leadership and life.
By Pam Fox Rollin, IdeaShape Coaching & Consulting
http://www.ideashape.com

Table of Contents

A.   The Big Idea
B.   Ideas in Action
C.   Resources
D.   Note from Pam

KNOW ANYONE WHO MAY ENJOY THIS?  Feel free to forward 
this newsletter to interested friends and colleagues. For a 
complimentary subscription to this monthly newsletter, they can 
mail to:newsletter@ideashape.com

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A.   The Big Idea:  How do you give advice?

      "I have found the best way to give advice to your children
       is to find out what they want and advise them to do it."
                          ~ Harry S. Truman

That's just as true for grown-ups, isn't it?
As executives, team leaders, business coaches, or consultants,
we're constantly being asked for advice.  Sometimes, we offer it
without making anyone ask!  What if more often we helped people
get clear on what they want and encouraged them to go for it?

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B.  Ideas in Action:  So, what could you do the next time you're
tempted to give advice?

1. Ask the person what s/he sees.

Choosing what to notice is one of the most powerful decisions we 
make. Yet, often attention is aimed by habit and old fears.  By 
sharpening awareness of what we do and the results we create, we can
 make more useful choices.  And often, from awareness itself new 
behaviors emerge.

2. Offer your own observations.

Ask whether s/he'd like you to share what you see.  Perhaps you'll 
discover that each of you focuses on different aspects of the situation.
Just learning where you place your attention and what you notice 
may give the person some additional perspective on their choices.

3. Help them become more clear on what they want.

Have you ever had the experience of someone being with you completely,
listening to your intentions, and inviting you to speak ever more fully and
precisely about what you want to create in this life?  What a tremendous
gift!

4. Help them explore their options.

Sometimes our own minds seem like a pretty tiny space to spread out big
issues, gain perspective, and re-chart our course.  In conversation, you
can lay out a bigger work table, hold up parts of their mental map for a
closer look, and consider together the risks and rewards of potential
actions.

5.  Or you could just stay silent and see what comes up!

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C.  Resources for further exploration

I enormously enjoy these two books on how to give advice:  the first has
practical and wise answers, the second raises questions for which there are
no ready solutions.

"The Trusted Advisor" by David H, Maister, Charles H. Green,
Robert M. Galford (2000)
-- A tremendously practical book on being worthy of trust. It's aimed at
consultants, but useful to anyone often asked for counsel, including
friends, parents, and managers.

"Flawless Consulting Fieldbook" by Peter Block and contributors (2001)
-- From the introduction to Part 2:  The Complexity of Advice:
"There is nobility in the willingness to consult.   It is an offer of
service, help, even love.  The fundamental question, then, is: 'When is
help helpful?'.... too often it is not.  There are times when the help
becomes interference, defended against, a disappointment on both sides...
Our task is to increase our awareness, pay closer attention to purpose, and
see clearly the effects of our actions."

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EXECUTIVE COACHES:
If you would like to strengthen your skills at observational coaching,
join Elizabeth Carrington and me for our workshop "The Shadow Knows:
Going Deeper Faster Live" at the Coaches@Work conference, June 9.

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D.  Note from Pam

I love giving advice.  It's that delight in sharing what I've learned.
Maybe somehow the act of giving advice validates the effort
I expended to learn.  Yet, I'm endlessly impressed with how
often advice is beside the point!

     "I intended to give you some advice
      but now I remember how much is left over
      from last year unused."
                           ~ George Harris

Each of us lives with choice amid paradox.  Who's to say how
to navigate?  Perhaps at best I can be with the other person as
they explore the terrain, at times inviting them to notice the vistas
and crevasses ahead, at times finding strength in the journey itself.
It is my constant challenge -- and joy -- to stay with whatever
path the person is exploring and help them deepen their own reflection.

And, yes, I'm appreciating the irony of offering you the advice
in this newsletter!  If you'd like to get in touch about any of this,
please email me.  I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Each month you receive this email with ideas and resources
you can use to shape your success.  Some of these ideas may
strike you as obvious... I invite you to step back and look at
how this is actually working in your life.  Others may seem
far out... I invite you to consider how much choice you
actually have.

Wishing each of us the rewards of our own paths,
Pam

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WHAT WOULD IT MEAN TO YOU TO...
Expand your capacity to take on bigger opportunities?
Lead your organization to bring out the best around you?
Be your most creative, focused self in your work?
Shape a life that consistently fulfills you?

Contact us for coaching, facilitation, leadership development,
Myers-Briggs Type Indicator®, and related services that help
executives, fast-trackers, teams, and professionals
achieve their goals faster and more easily.

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To offer feedback, submit ideas for articles or resources,
or explore working together, mail to:pamfox@ideashape.com
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