|
Subscribe
to our free, private monthly newsletter for fresh ideas This is your IdeaShape newsletter, April 2004, with ideas on leadership and life for executives, managers, consultants, and executive coaches. By Pam Fox Rollin, IdeaShape Coaching & Consulting http://www.ideashape.com Contents A. Big Idea B. Action Challenge C. Resources D. Note from Pam ================================================= A. Big Idea "I'll skip that training; I already know a lot about giving feedback." -- Exec who routinely gives feedback that leaves his team confused and annoyed "We overestimate the event and underestimate the process." -- John Maxwell You know how to give feedback, right? You go directly to the person, you use "I-statements", you provide specifics, and you make sure to convey your commitment to helping the team improve. OK, how's all that feedback you're giving actually working? Are your team members adjusting their actions and performing more effectively? In no other aspect of leadership communication have I seen a bigger "knowing-doing gap" than in giving feedback. When I ask leaders to describe to me how they want to receive feedback and how they recommend others give feedback, their answers are often vastly different from what I see them do. Part of the problem, I think, is that we often skimp on the full process (see below). That yields poor results, so we're more uptight and less optimistic about giving feedback the next time; so we do it even worse and more meagerly the following time. A few years of this and feedback (when given at all) gets reduced to "Next time I want to see your analysis before the meeting" or "Nice job on that report." What about you? ================================================= Feel free to forward this newsletter to interested friends and colleagues. For a complimentary subscription to this monthly newsletter, they can email newsletter-subscribe@ideashape.com ================================================= B. Action Challenge: What's missing from your feedback process? When people give feedback that works (i.e., good for performance and good for the relationship), I've observed 5 steps: 1. Recognize an Impact 2. Investigate Your Thinking and the Situation (most important step!) 3. Determine Your Intention and Approach 4. Say It 5. Create and Support Agreements (most neglected step) Let's take it step by step... 1. Recognize an Impact a. Monitor your remarks, especially complaints and sarcasm: what are you really wanting to say? b. Monitor your “left hand column” (what you think but don’t say): look for unsaid judgments ('he's clueless'), unsaid requests (‘please o please stop talking!’), and unsaid next steps (‘I’m never bringing you to a meeting again!’) c. Monitor your feelings/body: is your neck tightening up, stomach twisting -- are you angry? 2. Investigate Your Thinking and the Situation How are you viewing yourself, the other person, and the situation? Here are examples of perspectives I've found less powerful and more powerful, respectively, in giving valuable feedback a. Your view of yourself - Correct --> Curious - Perfectly informed --> Partially informed b. Your view of the other person - Superior or inferior to me --> Peer, fellow human - Bizarre or naive --> Cogently motivated c. Your view of the situation - You did something --> We're in a pattern - You need to hear my feedback --> I'm willing to share my observations - My aim is to convince you --> My aim is to pool our information 3. Determine Your Intention and Approach You can choose from three strategies: a. Let it go/fix yourself-- a great option to choose when it’s not really your business; also often a good first step while you observe patterns b. Take unsaid action (for example, you decide you'll never buy from that vendor, without giving them feedback)-- may be a decent option when you can reasonably judge the feedback won’t be heard or when you have little investment in the other person; often overused c. Say it Which strategy better serves what you want to accomplish in terms of performance and the relationship, in the short and long term? 4. Say It While there's no magic formula, effective feedback usually includes these four steps, in order. (1) "When..." (specific situation and behavior, not attribution) (2) "I... " (feeling, story, and/or impact on you) (3) PAUSE, Ask for their thoughts on this, LISTEN. Be open to adjusting how you view the situation. Be willing to experience their reaction. (4) "Could we..." or other words to suggest a next step, usually with mutual responsibility 5. Create and Support Agreements OK, you've come this far... remember to get clear on who will do what, how. This can come in the form of agreements or predictions: a. Agreements: Clear, spoken or written commitments to each other, e.g. "If the monthly numbers look off, I’ll call you before the operations meeting." "When we notice we’re interrupting each other, we’ll stop." "I’ll highlight the strengths of your work to the senior team." b. Predictions: A definitive foretelling of my behavior, given choices made by the other (see Ellison reference, below) "If you turn in another report late, then I will ask you to give me status summaries a week before month-end. If your reports regularly come in on time, I’d be glad to recommend you for further projects." What parts of this process do you do well? Which do you miss entirely? When you next give feedback, which step will you be sure to include? ================================================= C. Resources Taking the War Out of Our Words: The Art of Powerful Non-Defensive Communication, by Sharon Ellison, 1998 -- If you read one book on communication this year, let this be it. Sharon describes how to make statements, questions, and predictions that invite open conversation rather than defensive reactions. Executive Coaching with Backbone and Heart, by Mary Beth O’Neill, 2000 -- Valuable counsel to professional coaches; especially useful in getting clear on who has an issue with whom "Feedback about Feedback: Contrasts between the Social Science and Engineering Views," by Fred Nickols, 1995 http://home.att.net/~nickols/feedback.htm -- Terrific article on the engineering origins of feedback “A Better Way to Deliver Bad News” by Jean-Francois Manzoni, HBR Sep 2002 http://harvardbusinessonline.hbsp.harvard.edu/b02/en/common/item_detail.jhtml?id=1776 -- Highlights the importance of framing (step 2 in the process above) "How to Make the Most of 360 Feedback," by Pam Fox Rollin, 2003 http://www.ideashape.com/Newsletters/3-03Newsletter.htm -- What to do with an opportunity to get feedback from direct reports, peers, clients ================================================= Pam's upcoming conference presentations: May 15, SF Bay Area: Emotional Intelligence & the Enneagram July 22, Toronto: Emotional Intelligence of Leaders July 23, Toronto: Deepening MBTI Interpretations: What We Learn from Coaching Contact pam@ideashape.com for further information ================================================= D. Note from Pam The hilarious moments in feedback usually come when we skip Step 2: Investigate your thinking and the situation. That's when we discover we dumped on the wrong person, forgot we asked them to do the thing we now resent, or somehow expect them to start doing something completely unfamiliar and do it right the first time. Sometimes, we can get away with an apology and hearty laugh. Usually, it's more costly than that, especially when we hold onto the view that we're "right". Next month, we'll look at Receiving Feedback, with as much grace as we can muster. You receive this email every month or so with ideas and resources you can use to shape your success. Some of these ideas may strike you as obvious... I invite you to step back and look at how this is actually working in your life. Others may seem far out... I invite you to consider how much choice you actually have. If you'd like to get in touch about any of this, please email me. I'd love to hear your thoughts. Warm regards, Pam ================================================= Need to get your team on the same page? Contact us for teambuilding programs that actually work! "Pam did an outstanding job. We received very good feedback from our team, saying this was one of the best interactive sessions they had attended, and it provided them with useful tools to use in their daily interaction with our clients." -- head of Client Services, consulting firm "In 20 years of HR I've seen couple dozen MBTI workshops. Yours was by far the best." -- Director, major software company ================================================= TO CONTACT US To explore working together, submit ideas for articles or resources, or offer feedback, email pam@ideashape.com . To unsubscribe or change your email address, please email newsletter-change@ideashape.com Feel free to forward this newsletter to your friends and colleagues. For a complimentary subscription to this monthly newsletter, they can email newsletter-subscribe@ideashape.com You may also post this to an internal or external website We request that you keep the broadcast intact, including our contact and copyright information. Copyright, (c) 2004, IdeaShape, All rights reserved. |
 |
