Topic: How Do You Give Advice?> This is your IdeaShape monthly newsletter, April 2001, with ideas on leadership and life.By Pam Fox Rollin, IdeaShape Coaching & Consulting http://www.ideashape.com Table of Contents A. The Big Idea B. Ideas in Action C. Resources D. Note from Pam KNOW ANYONE WHO MAY ENJOY THIS? Feel free to forward this newsletter to interested friends and colleagues. For a complimentary subscription to this monthly newsletter, they can newsletter@ideashape.com ================================================= A. The Big Idea: How do you give advice? "I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and advise them to do it." ~ Harry S. Truman That's just as true for grown-ups, isn't it? As executives, team leaders, business coaches, or consultants, we're constantly being asked for advice. Sometimes, we offer it without making anyone ask! What if more often we helped people get clear on what they want and encouraged them to go for it? ================================================= B. Ideas in Action: So, what could you do the next time you're tempted to give advice? 1. Ask the person what s/he sees. Choosing what to notice is one of the most powerful decisions we make. Yet, often attention is aimed by habit and old fears. By sharpening awareness of what we do and the results we create, we can make more useful choices. And often, from awareness itself new behaviors emerge. 2. Offer your own observations. Ask whether s/he'd like you to share what you see. Perhaps you'll discover that each of you focuses on different aspects of the situation. Just learning where you place your attention and what you notice may give the person some additional perspective on their choices. 3. Help them become more clear on what they want. Have you ever had the experience of someone being with you completely, listening to your intentions, and inviting you to speak ever more fully and precisely about what you want to create in this life? What a tremendous gift! 4. Help them explore their options. Sometimes our own minds seem like a pretty tiny space to spread out big issues, gain perspective, and re-chart our course. In conversation, you can lay out a bigger work table, hold up parts of their mental map for a closer look, and consider together the risks and rewards of potential actions. 5. Or you could just stay silent and see what comes up! ================================================= C. Resources for further exploration I enormously enjoy these two books on how to give advice: the first has practical and wise answers, the second raises questions for which there are no ready solutions. "The Trusted Advisor" by David H, Maister, Charles H. Green, Robert M. Galford (2000) -- A tremendously practical book on being worthy of trust. It's aimed at consultants, but useful to anyone often asked for counsel, including friends, parents, and managers. "Flawless Consulting Fieldbook" by Peter Block and contributors (2001) -- From the introduction to Part 2: The Complexity of Advice: "There is nobility in the willingness to consult. It is an offer of service, help, even love. The fundamental question, then, is: 'When is help helpful?'.... too often it is not. There are times when the help becomes interference, defended against, a disappointment on both sides... Our task is to increase our awareness, pay closer attention to purpose, and see clearly the effects of our actions." ================================================= EXECUTIVE COACHES: If you would like to strengthen your skills at observational coaching, join Elizabeth Carrington and me for our workshop "The Shadow Knows: Going Deeper Faster Live" at the Coaches@Work conference, June 9. ================================================= D. Note from Pam I love giving advice. It's that delight in sharing what I've learned. Maybe somehow the act of giving advice validates the effort I expended to learn. Yet, I'm endlessly impressed with how often advice is beside the point! "I intended to give you some advice but now I remember how much is left over from last year unused." ~ George Harris Each of us lives with choice amid paradox. Who's to say how to navigate? Perhaps at best I can be with the other person as they explore the terrain, at times inviting them to notice the vistas and crevasses ahead, at times finding strength in the journey itself. It is my constant challenge -- and joy -- to stay with whatever path the person is exploring and help them deepen their own reflection. And, yes, I'm appreciating the irony of offering you the advice in this newsletter! If you'd like to get in touch about any of this, please email me. I'd love to hear your thoughts. Each month you receive this email with ideas and resources you can use to shape your success. Some of these ideas may strike you as obvious... I invite you to step back and look at how this is actually working in your life. Others may seem far out... I invite you to consider how much choice you actually have. Wishing each of us the rewards of our own paths, Pam ================================================= ================================================= WHAT WOULD IT MEAN TO YOU TO... Expand your capacity to take on bigger opportunities? Lead your organization to bring out the best around you? Be your most creative, focused self in your work? Shape a life that consistently fulfills you? Contact us for coaching, facilitation, leadership development, Myers-Briggs Type Indicator®, and related services that help executives, fast-trackers, teams, and professionals achieve their goals faster and more easily. TO CONTACT US To offer feedback, submit ideas for articles or resources, or explore working together, pamfod@ideashape.com We want this newsletter to be a valuable source of ideas and information... your feedback will help us accomplish this. Thank you! To unsubscribe or change your email address, please newsletter-change@ideashape.com. Feel free to forward this newsletter to your friends and colleagues! For a complimentary subscription to this monthly newsletter, they can newsletter@ideashape.com We request that you keep the broadcast intact, including our contact and copyright information. Copyright (c) 2001, all rights reserved. |
